Saturday, January 17, 2009


My first marriage was, in retrospect, one of convenience. We were both in medical school and had no time to socialize. We were compatible. Were we "in love?" That remains a question, over 20 years later. But, at the time, all of my friends were already married and I felt like I needed to be too. So I married the guy who I was friends with, compatible with. We used to joke that we were both so busy that we might not even LIKE each other once we had time to really SPEND together.

We were right. After 7 years and 2 sons, we parted ways. But the WHY of our split is more significant than simple "irreconcilable differences." He decided after all those years that he preferred men. I realize after years of counseling that our marriage was his attempt to deny his homosexuality, but he really hurt me and our sons in the process. After we split up, he became very involved in the gay lifestyle and became addicted to cocaine and meth. Due to this, he couldn't keep his job. It was very ugly for a few years.....

I won't go into details of his addiction here in order to protect him since my identity is open, his could be found. It isn't a secret, but it is not my place. Needless to say, after a couple of years of HELL for everyone, he finally realized he would be ruined if he didn't clean up. He went through rehab and has been clean since. We are now close friends and get along great. In fact, I often stay at his house when I am down in his area visiting! I am glad he was able to conquer his addictions and become the wonderful father he was meant to be.

Still, it took me years of therapy to be able to feel worthy of any one else. I felt I had something to do with his choice and that I was unloveable and somehow undesireable. To me, it was worse than having my husband leave me for another woman!! The ultimate betrayal!

Anyone else have a similar experience. It is amazing how many people have opened up to me in real life about these types of things when I tell them my story. Most people are ashamed to talk about it because they haven't come to terms with the fact that it is NOT THEIR FAULTS! Please share and comment!

1 comment:

  1. I'd love to hear from anyone, but esp anyone who has had a partner decide they were gay. It is more common than one might think......